Nordic Game Jam: Pending

You stumble towards the bathroom, still groggy. Before reaching the toilet, your eyes fall on a small purple cardboard box near the sink. The pregnancy tests. [[Grab a test]] <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/FootstepsBathroomLocks.mp3" autoplay>

[[Focus on drinking your coffee]] [[Stare at the test]] <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Coffee.mp3" autoplay>

You look at the test stick and feel a bit silly. It's only been two weeks since the last one. It was negative. Of course it was. Damn those broken ovaries. [[Google PCOS and infertility]] [[Take the test]] <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/CardboardRattling.mp3" autoplay>

<img src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/GooglePCOS.png"> [[Close the browser]]

You pee on the test. The test manual says to wait three minutes. [[Stare at the test]] [[Leave it on the sink]] <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/PeeFlush.mp3" autoplay>

God damnit. No way that you can let go of the thought now. [[Take the test]]

Quickly, a red line shows up. You feel excited for a second, then remember it's just the control line. One line just shows that the test works. Silly. [[Wait]]

You place the test on the sink, wash your hands, and try to think of something else. You can't be sure until three minutes have passed. Last time your were staring at the test for so long and nothing happened. No reason to get your hopes up again. [[Make a cup of coffee]] [[Scroll Facebook]]

You just want to kill some time, and instead you get an ad for a local fertility clinic. The stock photos of happy expentant couples feel like a slap in the face. [[Close Facebook]]

Well, so much for distracting yourself. [[Wait]]

<audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Impatience.mp3" autoplay> Three minutes feel like forever. [after 5s] Nothing yet... [cont] [after 10s] Is that a faint line? [cont] [after 12s] [[Look closer]]

You're going to be a mom. Or... most likely, you are. You never know. It's still early. [[Tell your partner]]

<audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Impatience.mp3" autoplay> It could be a faulty test. [after 2s] The line was really faint, after all. [cont] [after 4s] You have got to be 100% sure before telling anyone. [cont] [after 5s] [[Pee on another stick]] [cont]

He's still asleep on the couch. He probably couldn't sleep last night. [[Wake him up]]

His hair is a mess and his mouth is half open, but he still looks cute. You almost don't have the heart to wake him up, but there is no way that you can wait any longer. But how to tell him? [["Good morning, love. Have you slept well? I have something I want to show you."]] [["Rise and shine, sleepyhead! You're going to be a dad!"]]

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0,33% risk of the fetus having a chromosomal abnormality. 0,5% risk of miscarrying after the biopsy.

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Did you check all the chromosomes? Are you sure?

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You only manage to pee a little bit. [after 1s] Will it even be enough for the test to work? [cont] [after 3s] Only one way to find out. [[Wait three minutes]] [cont] <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/PeeShort.mp3" autoplay>

God, you hate waiting. <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Glass-1.mp3" autoplay> [after 3s] Don't get your hopes up too soon. [cont] [after 7s] You'll just jinx it. [cont] [after 15s] But there it is again. [cont] [after 17s] The second line. [cont] [after 19s] [[Tell your partner]] [cont]

He looks at you while squinting his eyes, still half asleep. "What..? Something for me... this early? Huh..." [after 2s] [[Give him the positive test]] [cont]

First, a grunt. [after 2s] Then, a pause. [cont] [after 4s] In one quick move, he rolls out of his blanket, sits up straight and stares at you. "ARE YOU SERIOUS?!", he asks. [cont] [after 6s] "Yes. Look." [cont] [after 8s] [[Give him the positive test]] [cont]

[after 1s] No words. [cont] [after 3s] Just his eyes meeting yours. [cont] [after 5s] A look of surprise, gratitude, excitement, wonder. [after 7s] But no fear. Not a sliver of panic. [cont] [after 9s] Just his teary eyes and his smile telling you that he is ready for this. [cont] [after 11s] [[Embrace him]] [cont]

After eating breakfast together, you call the doctor. Looks like you're going in there the next day for your first ultrasound. [after 2s] It feels surreal, but it's happening. [cont] [after 4s] You imagine the moment where you see your tiny baby for the first time. Holding the hand of your partner, hearing the heartbeat, crying tears of happiness... The following night, you can hardly sleep. [after 7s] [[Next day]] [cont]

You wake up when an unknown number is calling you. You pick up. It's the midwife from the doctor's office. Her tone of voice makes you nervous. She sounds apologetic. "I'm really sorry, but you can't bring any relatives tomorrow. They just changed the COVID restrictions.", she says. [["Oh... But what about my boyfriend? The father..."]]

She interrupts you before you can finish. "Not even the father. Sorry, no relatives. Rules are rules." [[Hang up and tell your partner]]

He is disappointed, of course he is, but he puts on a brave face. "Hey, don't worry about it. As long as you're safe, I'll be fine. Just call me when you're done. And bring a picture from the scan, if you can!", he says. "Will do. See you soon!" [[Go to the doctors office alone]]

You find your way to the doctor's office. The waiting room is full of women in different stages of pregnancy. You feel a bit out of place. Whatever is going on in your body is still invisible and somewhat hypothetical. [after 5s] After ten long minutes of waiting, a woman in a lab coat calls your name. [[Follow her to the ultrasound room]] [cont]

The room is pretty dark. Small red and green lights are scattered around the medical equipment, but you mainly notice the screen on the wall. Nothing to see right now, but in a moment... The woman in the lab coat presents herself and instructs you: "Please lie down here. You'll have to pull down your pants a bit... Yep, like that. I'm going to apply some gel. It might be a bit cold. I'm going to turn on the scanner now, okay?" [["Go ahead."]]

The screen turns on, but you have no idea what you are looking at. [after 4s] "Alright, so we have one fetus here...", the technician asks. [cont] [after 6s] Everything is black and white, but suddenly you see it. The contours of a being that looks unmistakably human. [cont] [after 9s] First, you notice the profile, the cute little button nose. Their tiny arms are waving at you, the legs are kicking... [cont] [after 13s] "Do you want to hear the heartbeat?", she asks. [after 15s] [["Yes, please!]] [cont]

[after 7s] That's your baby's heartbeat. [cont] [after 11s] But your partner is not allowed to hear it with you. [cont] [after 14s] The ultrasound technician's smalltalk stops. She looks a bit worried, her eyes focused on the screen. [cont] [[Talk to her]] <audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/UltrasoundHeartbeat.mp3" autoplay>

Okay, your period is really late this time, but this is probably nothing. Just those damn hormones acting up again. Probably PCO, the doctor said. Let's just take it easy, think of something else. [[Scroll Facebook]]

<audio src="http://amandarasmussen.dk/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/Glass-1.mp3" autoplay> You see two lines. [after 1s] It's not your minds playing tricks on you. [cont] [after 4s] It's positive. [cont] [after 5s] It.. [cont] [after 6s] It shouldn't be. [cont] [after 7s] Couldn't be. [cont] [after 10s] But those two lines are definitely there. [cont] [after 14s] [[Give yourself a moment to take it in]] [[Double-check with another test]] [cont]

You wake up by yourself. [after 2s] Checking your phone, you see it's 8 AM. [after 5s] You have a tingling feeling in your body. A strange mix of excitement and anxiety. [after 9s] Weird. [after 11s] [[Go pee]] [[Make a cup of coffee]] [cont]

This is a playable story about the hopes, doubts, and fears surrounding early pregnancy. I was heavily inspired by my own experiences, as I became pregnant just as the COVID19 pandemic hit Europe. Remember to turn on sound to get the full experience. [[Start]]

"Is everything okay?", you ask. [after 3s] She doesn't look at you, when she answers. "Sorry, just give me a minute." [cont] [after 6s] "You'll have to excuse me. I have to go get my colleague. You stay put." [cont] [after 9s] You're still lying on the stretcher, surrounded by machines. Something about this doesn't feel good. [cont] [after 10s] [[Text your partner]] [[Try to keep your cool]] [cont]

You want to keep your partner posted, but you don't want him to worry for no reason. What to write? [["Hey, you. I'm still at the ultrasound.]] [["Hey, love. I just heard the baby's heatbeart.]]

The technician returns, bringing a colleague. A doctor, by the looks of it. [after 3s] He presents himself politely, but something about his demeanor feeds your worries. [cont] [after 5s] The doctor talks to the technician quietly, looking at the ultrasound pictures. It sounds like they are discussing the thickness of the nuchal fold. [cont] [[Ask what's going on]] [[Listen in on their conversation]]

The doctor turns towards you and answers, "As you might know, we are measuring the nuchal fold. The thickness of this fold of skin, combined with the numbers from your blood test, are used for determining the risk of abnormal fetal development." [after 3s] You stomach is churning. [cont] [after 5s] "Primarily we are looking for trisomy disorders, including Down's Syndrome and two others. [cont] [after 7s] The doctor looks at you and hestiantly continues: "Unfortunately the nuchal fold of your fetus is thicker than the normal range. Other than that, it looks healthy. But we should do a placental biopsy, just to be sure. [cont] [["When?"]] [["How high is the risk?"]]

The technician mumbles some numbers, while looking at the ultrasound pictures. "3.6 millimeters? Or 3.7? Depends on the angle...", she says. "Either way, it's above the threshold...", the doctor answers. [[Try to keep calm]]

You try to remember what you read online. 3.6 millimeters... Is that a little or a lot? Couldn't it be a faulty measurement? After all, the fetus was moving a lot when she took the pictures. [after 3s] [[Ask what's going on]] [cont]

[[I wish you were here with me. I'll bring a picture, I promise.]]

[[I wish you were here with me. I'll bring a picture, I promise.]] [[It's probably nothing to worry about, but I sure hope to get some answers soon.]]

[[I think everything's okay, but it's taking longer than I expected.]] [[Baby is alive and kicking. There is only one baby, btw.]]

[[I wish you were here with me. I'll bring a picture, I promise.]]

[[Send the text]]

You stare at the phone, impatiently waiting for an answer as the door to the dark ultrasound room opens. [[Try to keep your cool]]

"I've booked a time for you tomorrow at 11 AM.", he answers. "Here is a paper explaining the procedure. You might feel a bit nauseous afterwards. Would be a good idea to have a relative pick you up." [[Call your partner]]

Your partner picks up, excitedly asking you how it went. [after 2s] First, you remember the joy of seeing this tiny human moving and hearing its heartbeat. You want to share it with him, all the emotions... [cont] [after 4s] But the thoughts of chromosome disorders and millimeters makes your voice break. [cont] [after 5s] "Hey babe, are you okay?" [cont] [after 7s] You try to find the words, despite your voice shaking. "I'm sorry... Everything looked fine to me, but suddenly they started talking about the nuchal fold.. [after 10s] I tried asking, but I just couldn't... I have to get another test tomorrow. A biopsy." "Hey hey, it's gonna be okay... Just come home and we'll figure it out.", he reassures you. [[Go home]]

"Based on your bloodwork and the scan, you have a 1:299 chance of having a baby with a chromosomal disorder. Oh, and a thick nuchal fold could indicate heart disease too." [after 3s] 1:299. You were wishing for 1:1000. Or 1:10.000. [cont] "Are you going to do another test?", you hear yourself asking. "Yes, a placental biopsy would be in order.", the doctor answers, as he types some notes on his computer. [["When?"]], you ask.

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